The marriage gift to the bride, across cultures

What is a marriage gift to the bride?

A marriage gift to the bride is money or property that the groom gives to the woman he marries, as a sign of his commitment. It belongs to her alone. Islam calls it mahr, Jewish tradition records it in the ketubah, old Europe knew it as the morning gift, and Spain and Latin America keep it alive with the arras.

Mahr: the Islamic marriage gift

In Islam, the mahr (also called sadaq) is a gift the husband gives to his wife at marriage. The Qur'an says: "And give the women their bridal gifts graciously" (Qur'an 4:4). The mahr is agreed when the marriage contract is made, and it is the wife's own property, not her family's. In Malay it is called mas kahwin, and in Indonesian mahar.

The ketubah: the Jewish marriage contract

In Jewish tradition, the ketubah is the marriage contract signed before the wedding. It sets out the husband's duties to his wife, including a sum of money committed to her, which protects her if the marriage ends.

The morning gift and the arras

In medieval Germanic Europe, a husband gave his wife a "morning gift" (Morgengabe) after the wedding, and it was hers to keep. In Spanish and Latin American weddings, the groom gives the bride thirteen coins, las arras, as a promise that he will provide for their home.

Bride price: a gift to the family

Bride price goes the other way round from the bride's point of view: it is paid to her family. Examples are lobola in southern Africa, kalym in Central Asia and the customary dot in parts of West and Central Africa.

Dowry: from the bride's family

A dowry is property the bride's family gives at marriage, to the groom or to the new couple. It is the opposite direction to a marriage gift to the bride. In some countries it is against the law: India banned it in the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961.

Who gives what? A quick table

Sammy's marriage gift to the bride

To the woman he marries, Sammy gives a marriage gift of US$3,000. It is given at the marriage, and it is hers alone: not her family's and not a loan. It is never a fee and never a payment for applying. Applying is free, and Sammy will never ask you for money.

Whatever your tradition calls it, mahr, the ketubah gift or simply the bride gift, the meaning is the same: a promise, made visible.